Through the Darkness

Two years ago I️ woke up to what would intensify an incredibly hard season. Trying to formulate the words of see you later to my dad was difficult. Seeing the pain from my brother was heartbreaking. The anxiety and grief was becoming a beast I️ couldn’t face alone.

I️ remember hoping that I’d never lose a close family member or friend until I was married, so that I️ could be comforted by my spouse. Yet 2 years ago I️ was single and faced 2 great deaths. This is something I’m thankful for. The road I️ was on seemed to head to more sadness, but the hand that held mine was sure.

It may sound crazy but there are days I️ miss that season. When you trust God and can’t find even a hint of satisfaction on anything else but Him His presence and faithfulness are so evident.

People often say I’m strong yet I️ feel so weak. The strength they see is something that is beyond me. When I️ chose to forgive my dad I️ had to rely on God. When I️ hasn’t seen my dad in 9 years and I️ chose to go see him because he was dying, I️ had to rely on God. When I️ had to see not only him but my grandpa die in the same week, I️ had to rely on God.

Even in the darkest seasons. The ones where anxiety seems to rule and depression greets you in the morning. In seasons where bitterness encases your heart. When it’s hard to forgive. The secret is found in going through those valid feelings with God. The natural thing we do is try to fix it ourselves. Yet God wants us to go with and through.

I️ know I️ wouldn’t have made it through all of the without Him. Every prayer from every person doesn’t go unnoticed. Even today I’m thankful for each prayer for my family during that season. I️ know there are more times than I️ can count that they carried me through.

Dear Sojourners,

Forgiveness is possible. Redemption is real. Guidance from Our Daddy is necessary.

Dad I️ know you’re enjoying heaven. I️ miss you but thankfully one day, we will be united again.

The Journey: Trading Blame for Belief

“Then Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the people of Israel. Aaron spoke all the words that the Lord had spoken to Moses and did the signs in the sight of the people. And the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord had visited the people of Israel and that he had seen their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshiped.”

‭‭Exodus‬ ‭4:29-31‬ ‭

Have you ever experienced a moment where God made himself extremely clear? Whether you heard a sermon, the book was exactly what your soul needed, or you received word from someone that was perfectly on point with the season that you were currently going through. Whatever God spoke to you that caused freedom in your mind and heart allowed belief to take root. The belief seems to be so deep that you never understand how you could never believe God again. But then something happens and it seems like there was never any roots from that seed at all. Doubt seems deeper than any belief that you ever thought that you had and fear and anger creep back in. 

Unbelief can be such a vicious cycle but I realized a new trigger that if we are aware of we can dodge so that we may keep our belief. 

You don’t have to go very far in the book of Exodus to see the Israelites lose the very belief that God was with them. In fact you just have to go to the next chapter. Right after they realize that God has heard their cry and they believe that they will soon be set free from the oppression of the Egyptians, pharaoh gives a word telling his servants to no longer give straw, a vital ingredient in the bricks they were required to make, to the Israelites. 

Truth is opposition hits often but the question is how will you choose to respond to it?

““We are given no straw, but the slave drivers still demand, ‘Make bricks!’ We are being beaten, but it isn’t our fault! Your own people are to blame!”

As they left Pharaoh’s court, they confronted Moses and Aaron, who were waiting outside for them. The foremen said to them, “May the LORD judge and punish you for making us stink before Pharaoh and his officials. You have put a sword into their hands, an excuse to kill us!” Then Moses went back to the LORD and protested, “Why have you brought all this trouble on your own people, Lord? Why did you send me? Ever since I came to Pharaoh as your spokesman, he has been even more brutal to your people. And you have done nothing to rescue them!””‭‭Exodus‬ ‭5:16, 20-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Too often when opposition hits we find ourselves reacting the way the Isrealites did. Looking for someone or something to point a finger at. Like the Isrealites when something hard happens we forget that God just sent an answer to our deepest cries.  We choose to look at our situation and try to figure out who is to blame. Like Moses we go to God and point the finger at Him. We forget that when God called us to freedom, the new job, relationship, etc, He told us that there would be opposition BUT that He would use us to prevail in the end (see chapter 3). We tell God that He doesn’t know what is best for the people around us. 

Lastly we blame ourselves. In our blaming God we often remind Him of our weaknesses or past sins and tell Him he was wrong for using us. We take our focus off of the fact that He says that we are great because He is in us. The problem with blame is that when we choose to put the blame on any of these three parties (people,God, or ourselves) we open the door for unbelief to take root. 

Because of the curse, bad things happen in this world.  We will always run into trials that just happen. Jobs lost for no real reason, people making bad choices, sicknesses strike, the list goes on but we must quiet our souls long enough to not overthink the issues and instead say, “I don’t understand why this has come up God but I trust you.”

A few weeks ago I woke up with this thought in my head, “Your authority diminishes when you start believing that you are less than forgetting that you serve a God who is more than.” I felt the Holy Spirit show me that when we believe that we aren’t _____________ enough to do what He called us to do, we aren’t being humble or dying to ourselves instead we choose the mindset of being disqualified we are choosing to forget that even though we may not be enough He is. 

Dear Soujourners,

I pray that as freedom comes you would also hold onto the belief that God has you always. No matter what opposition the enemy throws at you, he can never take your freedom unless you give it to him. Put down the pointing fingers. God doesn’t need you to blame anyone to free you. He doesn’t need you to forfeit your beliefs so He can prove you wrong. He wants you to remember that His Son left you with all authority (Luke 10:19 “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”)  and that because of Him you are greater than the one that’s in the world (1 John 4:4) so you can and will get through whatever opposition that’s thrown your way. Don’t forget all He’s said and done. 

He is in you therefore you are enough to overcome this opposition. 

Choose to believe it.  He has you. He’s promised. 

Mo ❤️