It Was Never in Your Hands

My heart was bursting with excitement as I drove to work. Thankful, loving, praise poured out of my mouth.

Faithful.

I held out my hand. Thinking I would sound super giving I said, “God I hold this with an open hand. As much as I want it, you may take it away if it’s not your desire. Help me to hold it with an open hand each step of the way.”

I then felt something well up in my spirit. It bubbled forth truth from the depths of truth

“Monique it was never in your hands. You both are in mine.”

“And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman. And now it is true that I am a redeemer. Yet there is a redeemer nearer than I. Remain tonight, and in the morning, if he will redeem you, good; let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then, as the Lord lives, I will redeem you. Lie down until the morning.””

‭‭Ruth‬ ‭3:10-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Ruth had gotten the courage to finally present herself as available to Boaz. She took a huge risk and was not disappointed at first. Boaz was excited. He loved her too, but there was an obstacle in the way. Another man that could marry her first.

Too often we believe that we hold our circumstances. We believe that we are holding it in an open hand and that’s trusting God.

The early September held a pretty big surprise for me. I met a guy in the least imaginable way, for me anyways, online. The beginning of August I ventured out and talked to my pastors and best friend about joining a Christian dating site. I was scared. terrified. But I was also excited for this adventure. I was at may brother’s birthday party when I got an email saying someone messaged me on the site. I had gotten few messages before so I looked and thought the guy was pretty cute. I decided I would pray and wait to reply until I was home.  When I got home I realized I had to pay to speak to this guy. So I sent a “smile” back. Hoping somehow I could get around the whole paying thing. He then messaged me again so I caved. As we began talking God walked me through moments of trading fear for His peace.

Little things like this guys gentle pursuit. Not getting mad if I didn’t respond to him. Him knowing the area I live well because his dad lives in the next town over. Him taking time to understand how life is for me as I go to school and work full time. Taking time to explain things to me do that I understand his job more.

Little things.

Steps of peace.

I sat down with my mentors early on. I remember trying to keep the excitement down as I started telling them about this guy. As I was grabbing my keys, my mentor said, “Monique I think you are so surprised by this because you secretly thought no one would want to talk to you.”

She was right.

The greatest obstacle I have had to face as I have grown and continue to grow in dating is fear. There is a love and a safety that is there, yet there is a fear that demands my attention first. I’ve had to acknowledge it. I’ve had to confess it. I’ve have to set it out of my mind.

Truth is there is someone who finds me interesting and lovely. There’s someone who can’t wait for my affection to be set towards Him. He calls me His Beloved and I’m made in His image. If this is how God sees me why would I believe He wouldn’t allow others to see this too.

When I realize that God sees me as His and all that I am is in His hands, I can trust what He brings my way. Even when it comes through ways I never imagined.

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