I recently posted the blog “Joy for the Season”. This blog had been sitting in my notes section of my phone for months. When I was going through my notes I felt I should go ahead and post it. Never would I have thought I’d wrote a part 2. It was just a blog. Nothing deep. An update on life in a lot of ways. Looking back I’ve grown from that mentality. I’m not angry with God. I don’t view His protection as a prison. Well I hope I don’t start to again.
What happens when you think your healing hinders you?
I know that’s a weird question. Last night I experienced an incredible moment of seeing how far I have grown from the person I was a year ago. I had a conversation with someone else that was going through similar things. This friendship between us had just started and I was excited to help them see that there is another side. I was excited to help them see that there is healing and that not all people are scared of those rough seasons. I was excited because this friendship held promises of new things.
I felt peace.
It felt good.
Things were right.
Until they called back. I don’t remember the entire conversation. I talked in slow motion as they quickly told me how things wouldn’t work for us.
I shouldn’t have shared.
I’m too much for people.
God let you go through that and you’ll never engage in healthy relationships because of it.
I guess a better question is can your healing hinder you?
Lies. I know but they feel like truth.
I dont know why I’m writing this. It’s literally fresher than a cow that just got slaughtered.
I guess I want to communicate to you friends, and more importantly to myself that I’m not too much. That my story, even the ugly parts, are good because I’ve allowed healing in. Full complete healing. I want to remember that this isn’t punishment it’s not a prison. Maybe it’s protection. Maybe it’s just what it is in this moment.
I’ve been listening to the song “I won’t Forget” by Brian Johnson. In bridge he sings, “You came in the night and tore down the walls, you held my broken heart, when all I could see lay ruined and scarred, your light shattered the dark.” I love this because it reminds me of all He did. He saved me in that season. And He’s walking with me now.
I feel challenged to not forget. To not write off my story because God did the miraculous. And if He used it to encourage this person only He knows. If He used it to shut a door because we weren’t right for each other, then ok.
I trust Him.
So here’s to another season. A season where the promises felt closer than ever. Here’s another season where I get to choose joy. Fully and completely.
This I do know. The darkness I experienced has been shattered. There are remains but I refuse to pick them up. Instead I will pick up joy.