Life has a way of surprising you with unexpected events. Currently if you could see me life you would find me sitting at our local park while my mom and dog, Finley, are finishing their last obedience school day. I just closed the book “Breaking Free” after it led me to tears. Tears of hope. Tears that physically explain all that I want.
In the last few weeks God has shaken my world. He has closed a season of my life where I have worked my dream job in ministry. He has taken me out of a season where trusting Him in provision financially has gone from down right scary to comfortable. Where I worked along side several of my favorite people daily. He has taken what I’ve believed is my calling and is asking me to once again trust Him. He hasn’t done this out of intentions that are any less than the best for me. To get out of the “boo box” or the box of fear that I’m not great. Not great at loving people. Not great at vulnerability. Not great unless I’m with great people. Sadly for too long I’ve chosen this mindset. I’ve chosen to allow fear and accusations to keep me bound to the lies that I’m not good.
As I sit here with the sun setting I feel compelled to answer the question, “what do you want out of life?” The answer has gone from a healthy marriage a good family and to live comfortably with some spontaneously planned adventure. Yeah I’m that person.
I found my want. I want to reach 90 years old and realize that none of my worst fears have over taken me. That I’ve stared fear in the face and have chosen to still know my name. To know that I am a daughter of the most high king. To know that I am loved by Him therefore I’m a beloved one. To know that the things I feared and some I may have to face never over took me because the one that is in me is so much greater than the taunting enemy in the world. I’m reminded that the end goal isn’t a marriage. It’s not to come out of the world with no scars or hurts. It’s not to be comfortable with my job. But the end goal for my life is to stand before my Heavenly Father and be able to say that I loved in times of hurt, happiness, sadness, hopefulness, wander, pain, joy, adventure and misery. That I showed people Jesus because Jesus showed me who I am. To be 90 or how ever old I am when this world and look back on life knowing that I enjoyed it learned to lean on my beloved and loved people in times that were less than stellar.
No matter how unexpected the turns are in your life will you partner with me and allow this to be your prayer?
One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4
Keep traveling dear friends,